Self-Sabotaging Dreams

Welp! I almost did it to myself again. What you might ask? Self-sabotage. I haven't jogged since Wednesday, June 6th. On that day, I jogged 2.267 miles for 34.05 minutes, but I haven't jogged since. Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't (and won't) totally self-destruct. I have worked out during that time. I'd walk outside at least two to three times a week; all the while, knowing I needed to get back on that treadmill because I wasn't just jogging to be jogging; I was jogging towards a dream.

Goals Turn Into Dreams

For some reason, since I left that dream of running on the track back in the 80's, that desire to run has not left. As I explained in 'Quitting out of Pride',  though I quit the team, that desire to run a marathon won't go away. Only it's morphed into a 5k which is what I've set out to do. But I thought it was only a goal. You know, something I can say I've achieved. But I now see that the goal has turned into a dream. A dream of running a 5k. To some that may sound small, but to me, its huge. That's because for so long, I've had a tendency to self-sabotage before I get there. I went two whole weeks without jogging. To you, that may sound ridiculous. To me, its a milestone because in the past, I'd go several months. To have it narrowed down to two weeks, is life-changing. My point. Don't self sabotage your progress. If you go one or two weeks without working out extra hard, that's okay. But in the meantime, between time, do something! That's your body. You don't have to lose your weight the same way everybody else does. Do you. Just remember, your weight loss is more than just a goal, its a dream that will eventually come true...as soon or as late as you want it to.

P.S. I almost forgot to tell you. After that two week break, ya girl did this...and so can you!

No More Comin' Round That Mountain

So, I'm learning to celebrate the small victories along the way and so should you. My small victory...

I'm at 34 minutes and 2.262 miles!!!!! What? Yep! Ya girl on her way to 5k. 

Though I wasn't planning on celebrating until I got there, I watched, 'Enjoying Everyday Life' this morning and Joyce Meyer said we needed to do so because this is why people are so salty. They're salty because they don't take the time to set goals and enjoy their small victories along the way; so they watch, hate and shade those that do. No, she didn't say it like that, but that's what I got out of it. Though I was never a hater, I will celebrate this small, yet monumentous  milestone. #nopunintended 

Wanting to Prepare 

I've been wanting to PREPARE to run a 5k for over twenty years. Notice I said wanting. I know that sounds bad, but its the truth. My weight has fluctuated so much that I'd only get so far, quit, gain the weight back, not work out for a while, work out, get so far, quit, gain the weight back and go round and round the 5k mountain for almost 20 years. Almost half the time the children of Israel kept circling their mountain due to disobedience and unbelief. Much like them, I too have been disobedient and circling this 5k mountain but...ya girl about to get loose. Yep! Less than three laps to go and I'm there! No more 'comin' round that mountain here she comes for me!' 

What's Your Mountain?

Whatever it is, take it slow and get it out the way. Yeah, it took me 27 days to add one minute to my jog.  But that minute is saving me years of not having to go around the 5k mountain again. Whatever you need to do to get past yours, do a little something every now and then. No, I don't jog everyday. In fact, the most I usually jog up to 2-4 times a week. But I keep my pace (4.0) and add a minute every few weeks. Try it! I'm telling you it works. You don't have to go at everybody else's speed. Do what comes naturally to your body type and weight; no matter how slow and awkward you feel...do you and know that I'm cheering for you every step of the way.

The Need for Activity

The last time I jogged was Tuesday, May 15th. I jogged for 33 minutes for a total of 2.196 miles. Well, a friend of mine had an emergency and is staying with me for a while which has set my workout schedule off. Not really. I just used it as an excuse not to workout. Don't you appreciate my honesty? :) Well, today was the first time I've jogged in a week and my body can tell. I jogged 2.128 miles for a total of 32 minutes; only because I didn't remember I stepped my game up last week to 33. But can I tell you, that week tried it! I mean really tried it! My breathing wasn't as sync and I had to take a deep breath at 1.75 miles. I'm thinking, WTW?!? Then I began to see that inactivity takes a toll on your body. I was down for seven days and my body was like, 'Oh this what we doin'? Now I understand why people worked out on their vacations.

All in all, today was pretty monumental for me. I see that I have to do something every other day if not daily in order to stay active. Even if I wasn't trying to lose a few pounds, I gotta do something to keep this 47-year-old body of mine going. Now I understand why no one wants to grow old. It's because when you get to a certain age, you think you no longer have to be active and when you succumb to that way of thinking, here comes the aches, pains, and fat. Oh, but I have said for years that I'm gonna be hot, even into my 90's and beyond should the Lord tarry. Now I know how to ensure I do. What a day this has been. Who knew I'd get an explanation of why I haven't been able to lose weight and how to grow old gracefully; all in one workout.

Plus Sized Billboard Music Awards

Last night I watched the Billboard Music Awards and I must say, I was impressed. Not with the performers because to be honest, the majority weren't what I expected. I must say though, that dat gum J-Lo did her thing and Ms. Jackson didn't have to do anything but show up. Aside from all that, what I was most impressed with is the audaciousness of their presenting committee. I don't know if they even have a committee that votes on its presenters, but whoever was in charge, kudos to you because I have N-E-V-E-R seen thick girls represented on prime time national television like that before. When I saw, Chrissy Metz from the hit television drama, 'This Is Us', come through that tunnel givin' it to us with that black little number, I was like 'Kill 'em with the shoulders ma'am.' 

Photo Credit: Make a Gif

What shocked me the most is that she stood there like she belonged there and you know what; she does. In fact, we all do! Usually in those situations you can tell that the person is a little uncomfortable, but not Ms. Chrissy! She literally graced the stage and was unashamed. And why should she be? She gave me all the inspiration I needed for the night.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

And when actress Rebel Wilson prounced down the walkway wearing her royal goodies...baby I was done! She owned that dress and rightfully so. She was stunning and unapologetic. #literally Singer Kelly Clarkson even had a few sprinkled as her background singers.

Photo Credit: JustJared.com

Ultimately, last night was a good night for plus sized women.Though I came for the music, I stayed for the plus sized fashions. Last night did me good. Though I'm still trying to lose weight, I have no problems about all this thick goodness. Those women displayed courage, boldness, and so-what-ness in the face of music industry mini's. No shade, but can a thick girl get some grade-A camera time too? Thank you to Ms. Chrissy and Ms. Rebel. Y'all just don't know...a sista sholl needed that! 

Chasing Our Old Bodies

I was watching an interview on the Megyn Kelly show of swimsuit model Mia Kang when something she said got me to thinking. She said that she felt like the fashion industry made her feel like she needed to keep her 17-year-old body at 27. She said that she'd stopped eating solid foods for several years and it had gotten to the point where her body was fighting back. When I heard that I realized that our bodies do the same. Her body was telling her it was time for her to let it grow into the stunning 27-year-old model that she was. Most in that industry continue to stunt their growth, but the courage it took for her to no longer resist what her body intended was eye-opening for me.

I realized that God intended for our bodies to develop over time. We thought after a woman has her period she stops growing. And though true, we still have some developing to do; even into old age. But when you think about it, we've all tried to do what Mia did. In fact, its for that reason that we all chase our old bodies. I'm 47 and I'm still reminded of my 32-year-old body.

Old me, circa I don't remember

It's like we all want our old bodies back. But when you think about it, no one would force a 9-year-old to keep their 4-year-old body and neither would we demand that a 2-year-old go back to infancy. Yet we chase our old bodies with that same delusion in mind. #notmeanymore Here recently I've embraced my curves. Though I'd like to lose my gut, I'm liking my fluffiness and this wagon I'm draggin'. Thank you Mia for helping this make sense. I think I'm gonna let that old body dream go and embrace and be thankful for the body I have. All 220 lbs of it. #ilikeme #stillgonnaloseweighttho

On My Way to 5k

As I told you in 'Quitting out of Pride', I mentioned that I've always wanted to run a marathon. But after careful consideration, I decided that I really didn't want to run six and a half hours. I then decided that a 5k would suffice. I officially started to train...well not train because that would leave you with the impression that I'm eating right and I'm not...kinda...sorta..but not really. Any who, I am jogging though and as of today, I'm at 2 miles. It took me 74 days of off and on jogging to get there, but ya girl made it. #ayeaye Just had to share.

5/12/18 - Had to take a pic. Just for my records. :)

 

No More Walks of Shame

So, today I had a few errands to run and decided to do my morning walk while I was at it. Remember, when I told you that the message I heard about not being ashamed of gospel also applied to me not being ashamed of my body? Well, instead of trying to wear a loose fitting blouse, I put on a modest, form-fitting top with my cargo shorts and went about my business. Usually, I examine my side view in the mirror before leaving. After which, my usual comment is, 'Girl, if you loose that stomach, you'll be right.' But not this morning. I admired the view and went to walking. I noticed that as I did I wasn't self-conscious, constantly tugging on my top or trying to suck in my stomach. I just let it go. Not worried about nothing and nobody and I must say, I feel liberated.  If you would have asked me if I was ashamed of my body before, I probably would have told you no. But after receiving the Word, I now know that deep down I was. And I encourage you to ask yourself the same question? If you are, then re-read my last two posts, 'Body Shaming and Big Girls' and 'The Guilt of Dietary Transgressions.' Hopefully, you'll get a revelation that if God's not ashamed of your body, you shouldn't be either.