Ain’t Finna Let Nobody Know My Business Mentality

I held a conversation Thursday with one of the women I talked about in my last issue.  You know, one of those well-educated and accomplished women who enunciates perfectly and articulates her brilliance with ease? Yeah, one of those.  I reached out to her last weekend on Facebook and asked was there anything I could do to help. Though I’d reached out to others, she was one of two, who genuinely responded and demonstrated an interest in connecting.

It was surprising to us both, how we were able to open up to one another.  But wasshocking to me, is that I was able to share bits and pieces with her; which is highly unusual because I am somewhat of an introvert; extremely private andunapologetically aloof.  I did, however, give her fair warning of my background and went on to tell her about my twelve year walk of abstinence and how I was a bit taken aback by the financial accomplishments of her and our classmates. And that when I compared myself financially, I didn’t measure up. 

To which she said something that will forever change my life.  She said her Pastor taught them that one woman’s anointing and life’s experiences prepared her for the block; while another woman’s was preparing her for the world. That so impacted me and resounded in my spirit. Because even though I’m from the block; throughout these twelve years ofabstinence, alone time, and getting to know God; I see He’s been preparing me for the world.

I said all that to say this.  What if I’d have kept my old ‘ain’t finna let nobody know my business’ mentality and not reached out to her?  I would have missed what God was trying to tell me.  I would have missed the opportunity to be mentored by one of the women He’s handpicked to impact my life.  

In Brand Class yesterday, Dr. Marshawn Daniels (no she’s not a Ph.D but to me, she has one in the Anointing) made the statement that her husband, Jack A Daniels, told her; in that‘everything you need is on the other side of everything you fear.’  For years, I didn’t want to be around well-to-do or boo-zhee (bourgeois) people.  I deliberately shied away from it. But I see now, that on the other side of boo-zhee, is where and who God’s called me to be; and the same may be true for you.  

Who are you separating yourself from?  White people?  Poor people?  Uneducated folk? Watch yourself! Because who you're trying to stay away from, may very well bethe person who's holding your next level blessing.

Pray this with me: Heavenly Father, please forgive how I stayed away from certain people for whatever reasons.  And please forgive how I let my ‘aint finna let nobody know my business’ mentality almost prohibit You from sending the right people into my life.  In Jesus’ name.

Hooditus

This is a post that was written in 2014.  I included it here because this blog is dedicated to the hood and as such, its time for us to do and live better. Please note that the language used is intended to prove a point. 

Okay, so I’m going to be totally transparent for a moment and share something that I think a lot of women; especially women of color may suffer from. I recently finished my first book, The Reality of Sexual Purity™’; a look at the life of a self- proclaimed ex-whore’s journey into abstinence.  Because of God’s timing, He allowed my far-away mentor,Marshawn Evans Daniels; former Miss America, Entertainment Attorney, Author, Speaker and Business Mentor to holdBrand Class™; a faith-based, intensive branding and coaching program which I highly recommend.  To give you a little history, I’ve attended her free teleseminars for years.  In them, she’d give God-inspired business and ministry strategies and share testimonials about her fabulous high-end clients.  As I listened to the Q&A sessions, I could tell these women weren’t like me.  These were well-educated, accomplished, and seemingly successful women.  They enunciated perfectly and articulated their brilliance with ease.  I’d listen, with my phone on mute thinking, ‘What you doin’ on this call?  You seem like you got it all together.’  

 

Though I’d leave each session ridiculously inspired; I’d somehow walk away defeated because I couldn’t afford to participate in the paid programs she offered.  Fast forward three years and it’s me in the program; surrounded by yet another set of virtual divas; all chiming about their MBD’s (Masters and Ph.D’s) and masterfully plugging their businesses and ministries on our private Facebook page. And here I sit; unpublished book in hand, no degree, single and barely making ends meet.  Yet I know I’m supposed to be here.  For three years I waited on the sidelines patiently waiting to get in; now I’m here and a part of me wants to run.  Why?  Because like so many Black women, I suffer from Hooditus.  From my speech to my feet; even in my 40’s, it seems that I can’t escape that ride-or-die chick; the one that’s quick to lick, quick to spit and quick to …. See!  

And I think this is the dichotomy of reality TV. Seeing the likes of Tamar and Joseline, oftentimes lulls us into believing that it’s okay to say ‘You know what I’m sayin’?’ after every sentence. But the more I build my brand and finish this class, I see that ‘that ain’t cute no mo!’; not at my age anyway. But the more I speak, the more I hear the streets. In fact, a few years ago, God let me know that I’d have to start ‘speaking well’. Because if I didn’t, those type of women wouldn’t be able to receive what He’d given mefor them.  Imagine that?  Him using a hood chick to spit…I mean to teach Bible truths to six and seven figure women.  

 

It reminds me of what Bishop T.D. Jakes once said.  It was something like; ‘What do you do when you’re dressed like where you’ve been and it’s time for you to get where you’re going. You can’t go back to where you were; even though you feel out of place where you’re at.  Why? Because unlike everybody there; you’re not dressed for the part.’ Well, the class officially ended today and my book is in the hand of my Format Editor as we speak and believe or not; I’m still not dressed.  But you know what?  I’m still going!  And my sweet hood sister, I encourage you to do the same.  

You’re not going to be as polished or a poised as others; but that doesn’t mean God didn’t create you to get in where you fit in.  And no, you don’t quite fit yet - but trust; there are some high-end women who need what God created you to do.  We just need to appreciate their acumen, learn from their genius, andglean in their brilliance. 

Pray this with me: Heavenly Father, please forgive me.  Though I know I should be old enough to know better, I have not done better. Help me to not feel intimidated or ashamed of my past and where I come from and Lord, please help me to embrace the woman I became in the hood and introduce her to the woman You created me to be.  In Jesus’ name.

Justifying Fatness With Foolishness

Hey there.  What?  You not speaking? Okay. Okay.  I'm sorry.  I haven't written in almost three weeks. But I haven't given up.  So let me fill you in on what's going on.  I'm walking pretty regularly now. And though I feel like a size 12 after every walk; I'm pretty sure I'm still an 18.  But I've noticed that I can get in some 16's and I can tell my britches are fitting me better.  But here's what I wanted to share with you.

Steve Harvey is raising money for charity by working out for FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT on his highly acclaimed, nationally syndicated radio broadcast.  FOUR HOURS y'all.  And yes it's for a great cause and yes the boys he's doing it for are important. But FOUR HOURS for 30 DAYS??? That's some Biggest Loser-type-stuff right there.  Ordinarily, I'd continue to scroll through the Gram and be like 'Oh, that's good!  You go Steve!' as if I'd done my good deed for the day. But while watching him peddle, I got inspired.  Because I'd walked 4 miles yesterday (sure did!), I decided I was going to rest today.  But seeing Mr. Harvey do his thing, I got to thinkin'; if he can do it for four, I can get my one in.  So I zipped out of bed, headed towards my closet and then the real battle began.

Girdle Wars

So I'm in my closet, determined and inspired to get this walk in and I reach to get my uniform. What's that?  Remember, I'm still hood bound, which means I have one set of jogging pants that I wear and a run down pair of Nike's that I got as a result of a guest leaving them in a room I once cleaned while working Housekeeping at the Holiday Inn. I digress. But I'm in my closet, all excited about my morning walk when I decide I'm going to wear some shorts and change it up a bit. But because I have more than a few lumps and bumps, I reach for some old girdles - not Spanx - old girdles that my 60-something Aunt's gave me over a decade ago. Laugh if you want to :(

I grab the first pair and it reads 'LARGE'. I'm like, "Bet! I can sholl squeeze in these.' But though my mind thinks I'm a 12, my thighs smack me back into reality as I realize, that's not going to work. Okay. No problem.  I grab the other one. 'Okay, let's see. X-LARGE.  Oh yeah, ya girl got this.  I can sholl get up in these.'  And you know what I DID! The only problem was that I was exhausted from having squzzed (not squeeze, squzzed) into them.  And not only that, I had muffin top thighs.  So now I'm like, 'Man, after all that, I'm not going!' And ladies this is where it gets serious because this is where so many of us quit.

Justifying Fatness

Because I'd spent five minutes trying to squeeze into something that I knew I had no business, I almost let my mind talk me out of exercising.  I justified it with the fact that I was tired and disgusted and now I deserved to go lay down. At the time, that foolishness made sense and it's because I've used excuses like that so many times before.  And you know what?  You have too.  The fact that I was too fat to get into those girdles, coupled with the fact that I had worked up a sweat as a result was all the more reason for me to hit the streets and get my walk in.  Though I wanted to talk myself out of it, I quickly saw that logic made no sense and instead got my 3.5 mile walk in.  Up top! So girlfriends, let this be the year we finally get healthy.  No more excuses about 'no clothes to wear' or 'I'm not about to walk in the neighborhood I live in.' Just go! But in order to do so, we're going to have to stop justifying our fatness with foolishness.