No More Walks of Shame

So, today I had a few errands to run and decided to do my morning walk while I was at it. Remember, when I told you that the message I heard about not being ashamed of gospel also applied to me not being ashamed of my body? Well, instead of trying to wear a loose fitting blouse, I put on a modest, form-fitting top with my cargo shorts and went about my business. Usually, I examine my side view in the mirror before leaving. After which, my usual comment is, 'Girl, if you loose that stomach, you'll be right.' But not this morning. I admired the view and went to walking. I noticed that as I did I wasn't self-conscious, constantly tugging on my top or trying to suck in my stomach. I just let it go. Not worried about nothing and nobody and I must say, I feel liberated.  If you would have asked me if I was ashamed of my body before, I probably would have told you no. But after receiving the Word, I now know that deep down I was. And I encourage you to ask yourself the same question? If you are, then re-read my last two posts, 'Body Shaming and Big Girls' and 'The Guilt of Dietary Transgressions.' Hopefully, you'll get a revelation that if God's not ashamed of your body, you shouldn't be either.

The Guilt of Dietary Transgressions

In my last post, I was sharing my aha moment of no longer being ashamed of my body. When Keith Moore, Pastor of Faith Life Church Sarasota taught about Romans 1:16, 'For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes' and how God doesn't want us to be ashamed, my mindset changed. I saw that not only does God not want us ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ but He doesn't want us to be ashamed of anything, including our bodies. But then he asked a critical question and that's what's the motivation behind shame? When you think about, shame has two m.o.'s: (1) to humiliate and (2) to condemn. Therefore, if the motivation of shame is to condemn, could that in fact be the answer to our weight loss problem? Did we allow nutrition experts and personal trainers to tell us the number of calories and carbs we should consume daily only to feel guilty or condemned when we exceeded our caloric intake?  If so, us feeling condemned or being guilted only hurt our weight loss efforts even further, simply because we were no longer operating in faith in God to help us take care of our bodies, but were now operating in condemnation. But how?

Condemnation and Overeating

Oh don't play innocent girlfriend. You know when you eat that extra piece of cake or that extra slice of pizza, that inwardly and instinctively, you feel bad. Which is God's point exactly. Condemnation is the opposite of faith which means anytime we feel guilty about our indulgences, we won't be able to get back on track if we continue to carry the weight of our dietary transgressions. This is not to say that we should take pride in our over indulgences. But what we are to do, is instead of feeling guilty afterwards, we should immediately ask God to forgive us. And I know what you're thinking. 'You mean I have to ask God to forgive me for overeating?' Yes, and here's why. 

Solving the Last Bite Dilemma 

Romans 14:23 says, 'But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.' In other words, the bite before the bite that you decided you were going to take a few more bites is the moment you got out of faith and into sin. This is because you were no longer eating by faith - consuming what you needed. You crossed over into excess which means, you knew the next few bites weren't needed and you were just eating to be eating. And if you're honest, then you'll have to admit that once you finished that last bite, you felt guilty. How do I know? I've done it thousands of times. Before I took that infamous bite, I could have used my faith and saved those last bites for later. But instead, I took the bite that led to a few more bites which led to me feeling guilty. What about you? 

And this is what Romans 14:23 is talking about; '...he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith...' Before taking the bite that decides if that will be the last bite, we should decide if we're full (in faith) or if we're eating just to be eating (in sin). If you make the decision to go for it, then do something about it - immediately. I know it sounds silly and a bit much, but trust me, it works. Immediately afterwards, ask God to forgive you for eating when you were no longer hungry. Ask Him to forgive you for not letting patience have her perfect work and waiting until later to savor those next few morsels and watch how your thinking will change. I'm not saying this is the silver bullet or will solve your weight loss problem. But it will salve your guilty conscious.

Body Shaming and Big Girls

I heard Keith Moore, Pastor of Faith Life Church Sarasota, say that we shouldn't tell anyone they should be ashamed of themselves and neither should we carry any shame. Which got me to thinking; this would include body shaming. When I thought about that, I realized that also means that I shouldn't be ashamed of all my lumps and bumps either. So where does body shaming come from? Where did we as women, get to the point where we are ashamed of our own bodies?  

Don't Be Ashamed of Your Breast-teses

Unfortunately, the fashion and entertainment industry has done an outstanding job of bombarding us with images of what our bodies should look like. Over the years, that body type has gotten thinner and thinner; so much so, that the body types now are androgynous which means they are a combination of both male and female body shapes. Which when you think about it is actually unfair to women and especially to women of color. To put models, who can pass for both male and female, (#noshade) does a disservice to the breasts, we as women looked so forward to having as little girls. I don't know about you, but I distinctly remember after reading Judy Blume's, 'Hello God, It's Me Margaret', how excited I got about having boobs. 'I must! I must! I must increase my bust!' is what Margaret shouted. Like Margaret, I actually practiced my chest pumps daily until they finally appeared. But as a woman of color, not only are we breasty, but curvy as well; especially when it comes to our hips, buttocks, and thighs. But to now be shamed into believing that because I did my Margaret inspired exercises and obtained the D cups I so anxiously waited for, along with a lot wagon that I'm dragging, that I shouldn't be afforded the opportunity to wear my plus size clothing just because I have a little more love to handle (i.e. love handles) is simply dehumanizing. 

Werk Girl!

In sum, I thank God for using Bro. Moore to help me see the truth about where I am - physically - in my life. To know that I no longer have to be ashamed when I undress is a gift from God. To know that just because I have abc's instead of abs, doesn't disqualify me from wearing a modest, form-fitting Maxi Dress. And so what if I can't afford a high waist, mid thigh body shaper right now because I'm a solopreneur, that shouldn't mean I can't still be confident and look good. I don't know about you, but this 'not being ashamed' is doing wonders for me. Just writing this is liberating! I'm going to embrace every lump, bump and serving of cottage cheese I have because God's not ashamed of me. He may be a little disappointed with my eating and exercise habits, but He's definitely not ashamed of my body and neither will I and girlfriend, neither should you. Go werk it girl! Use your under arm wings to fly above the haters and body shamers you fabulously fluffy daughter of the Most High God!

Quitting out of Pride

It has always been a dream of mine to run a marathon. Unfortunately, in the past, I've given up on myself before reaching that goal. Buy why? I think it all started on the track field in 1983. I was on the girl's track team at J. L. Long Middle School. I was usually always the fastest; whether it was on my block or on someone else's. No one, including boys, could outrun me. That all changed my seventh grade year. I met my then friend Lisa and she was freakishly fast. When we both tried out for the team, she got last leg which meant I had to be 3rd. That totally threw me off because the fastest spots go to first and fourth. This sudden shift meant I was no longer the fastest chick. After hearing the news, a little part of me died on the field. But I kept running...until the pride of it all drove me to quit.  

Fast forward thirty-four years and that seventh grader still has a desire to run. Only she's 225 lbs now. But that 110 lb, 13-year-older still wants to get it. The good thing about it is that now I know I can; I just can't quit this time. But the 47-year-old has no desire to actually run a 26-mile marathon. After careful consideration, I had to ask myself why would I want to jog an average of 390 minutes? I mean, do I really want to jog 6.5 hours without getting paid? No! But I am going to do a 5k or perhaps a 10k. But for now, I'm seriously training for that 5k. Don't know where. Don't know when. But ya girl be on the mill. #frfr 

My advice to you: that thing that you left on the field, go get it. Doesn't matter if its 34 years later, go do it! Because you never know how that thing is impacting you today. I mean think about it. What if I would have humbled myself and ran 3rd leg?  Where would my life be today? One things for sure. I definitely wouldn't be a hundred pounds overweight. Don't be like me. Go back to those time when you quit out of pride. Ask God to forgive you and go do that thing that's still in your heart to do.

Exercise For My Body Type

So I'm scrolling through the Gram, on @Goodful by the way, in search of some healthy recipes and I come across an exercise clip. In it, are several - in shape - people, exercising. I don't know, but am I the only one that thinks in shape people shouldn't be able to tell me how to move my body; especially when theirs doesn't work the same way as mine? I mean sure, you're lean and limber. A burpee is perfect for you. But for all this thickness, I'mma need you to hold up, wait a minute and give me the remixed version. I mean sure, I should listen to you. But let's keep it one hunid. Have you ever had a weight problem? No, I mean a serious weight problem? If not, then I'mma need you to have several seats because you can't possibly understand what I need. On second thought, maybe you could, but I ain't taking no chances. I need a workout video with someone who has hips and big ole thighs. Not firm thighs. Let me see a little cottage cheese so that I can see what I could look like if I kept doing what you're doing. Until then, sit down skinny chick and stop spittin' in them folks faces. #thinkingoutloud

Figuring Out

There are some mornings when I'd rather grab a big bowl of Dynobites®, the no brand name, knock-off version of Cocoa Pebbles®, and binge watch the news all morning. Then there are other mornings, when I do the right thing, get my thick butt on the treadmill and do what-a-girls-gotta-do. After working out I've noticed that my mind is more alert, focused and I'm clear. I feel vibrant, creative, and feel like doin' something with my life. But why didn't I already know this? Why did it take me riding this weight loss rollercoaster for over 27 years to realize that exercising is actually good for my mind?

To keep it 100, I think its because I'm smart. I don't say that out of pride, but I am. I have to be because my ability to think quickly is apart of my call; of why God created me and is apart of His purpose for my life. My mental strength is a grace which means I can take no credit. With that being said, I don't flock to mental exercises, IQ tests and other activities that stimulate the brain or challenge the intellect. I just embrace my God-given brilliance, in all the humility I can muster, and accept the fact that I have a wonderful mind. Having said that, if I'm so smart, why haven't I figured out a way to keep this weight off? Just thinking out loud.

A Big Girls Affair With Food

I know 'My 600-lb Life' is in its 8th season, but I just started watching and all I can say is wow! Though I've only watched two episodes, those courageous women taught me something about myself. When I watched those women, I realized that overeating is not just eating and neither is it just an addiction; it's spiritual. I say that because it wasn't until after I stopped having premarital sex, that I realized my sexual addiction was more than physical, it too was spiritual. Now don't go gettin' all spooky on me. When I say spiritual, I simply mean an influence. Influencing me byway of what I paid attention to, such as the sexually explicit music, shows, and conversations I held with other sexually addicted adults. I was consumed in my thoughts which only gave way to me acting out on my sexual desires to the point that I knew I was out of control. 

Lusty Looks

Fast forward and after fifteen years without it...yep, that's right! I've been 'yet holding' for 456 months or 5,475 days. I've faithfully kept these big ole yellow legs closed for approximately 131,400 hours and after many hours of study, I now realize that there was a spiritual influence behind my out of control sexual appetite. And I now see that the same is true for my appetite for food. But it wasn't until I watched the way those women looked at food that I realized, their looks were lusty. In that they looked intently into the eyes of those biscuits as if they literally wanted to sop it up. The way they pined over each meal reminded me of two adulterous lovers. They knew they weren't supposed to be together, yet their sexual appetites kept them coming back for more. Those women instinctively know how to eat in moderation, but that next bite keeps calling them...calling them. And because I know the voice of Cocoa Pebbles so well, I've answered its lusty calls to indulge in an explicit food affair. What about you? 

Late Night Hookups

If you've ever answered the can-I-come-over call of a piece of pizza after you knew it was too late to eat or smiled inwardly when you saw the come-get-me texts of a burger in the middle of the night, then you know what I mean. And though it seems like its just food, there's something spiritual influencing us to do it. So how can we stop? I truly don't know because I'm still trying to wean myself out of my food affair. But I will tell you this. If we have to do what I had to do to stop having premarital sex, then it's going to take a lot of time in the Word and on our knees to walk away from the lust of food. I'll keep you posted on how it works out. But until then, call a duck a duck. If you're overweight, you too are having a food affair and prayerfully one day, you'll get caught.

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